breaking point

I'm grateful for understanding, the air, and the inevitable passage of time.

This is a process. For the past few days I fell out of the routine. I ignored the calendar and did other things. At this point in the game the focus is everything - cultivating a routine and a sound mind which is capable of recalling.

Today I took NBME 17 and scored 20 points lower than the UWSA 2. That being said, this test tends to underpredict.

My score was low in pharmacology, behavioral, ethics, and I was tripped up on physiology and biostats.

To resolve this, I re-read some pharmacology sections and revisited my sheets. They have many details which I fought hard over today.

Ultimatums and mandates don't work. Being goal-obsessed is not healthy. The drive of becoming better comes in the fact that we can gently remind ourselves to keep coming back to the moment.

I'm not going to fail this test. I'm well within matching-range of psychiatry and at the number of EM - and I consider this one of the worse testing days.

Things I am changing - Temperature control. RNP - I made 5 reading mistakes because I was rushed or not comfortable. Coffee: I should have at least 1 cup to wake up. Eating - dense protein. Stamina: I need to start doing serial 7 tests. Sleep - I am going to try to exercise much more so I can sleep before the test.

Things I did well: Meditating before the 1st block...I only missed 3 points. As time passed the score dropped.

Tomorrow I will do questions in the morning, catch up reviewing the rest of Kaplan, review my UWorld stray blocks, hit firecracker hard, hit micro/pharm in the evening, and do my smart sheets at night. Kabat-Zinn death meditation and yoga flow for breaks.

No facebook, no articles, no drama for the rest of the time. Today was a wakeup -- I was sleepily believing that I would get a 252 on this test and today made me realize what's really at stake.

It's not about the score, though. It's about discipline. This is who I am - I don't quit when it's tough - I grow.