17 and concerns

I am grateful for my capacity to understand, to adapt, and to make a situation change for the better.

Today was a fractured day. I'm concerned about the future and a special person. We talk every day but since we spoke Wednesday we have had very few words between us. I know that Thursday she was going to the doctor and she said everything is fine.

When I started studying I said we'd suppress everything until after the test. That seems like a really bad idea because I'm worried that something has happened to her and she's not going to say because she thinks it will worry me.

At this point in the course of our relationship I realize that being together takes trust and communication. I promised her before we left Grenada that I wouldn't sleep with anyone else and I would visit her in Puerto Rico. She didn't trust me then, telling me later that she thought it was the last time we would see each other. She didn't trust me when I changed an online dating/social media status to my new city, and changed my "looking for" from "relationship" to "friends". She didn't trust me in Turkey and demanded that I say what I was doing several times.

Things have just built to the point that, with the momentum and pressure of the moment, I would rather just set things straight. The words "freedom" and "less stress" were thrown out as reasons for having a more open relationship.

I'm sticking to what I said - I don't have the desire to pursue romance in Ohio; I think I might need to explore the consequences of this trip. I bought my ticket to Puerto Rico. I want to go and share that experience with her. The context is less important to me than the fact that I actually really want to go. We could be friends, lovers, official parejas. Those 10 days I have been looking forward to since she told me about her island - if she happens to have a serious problem that prevents or impairs my trip...it's better to know now so I can deal with it.

today:
4 Kaplan blocks done and reviewed
10 USMLE questions
4 pages smart sheet
60 flash cards
FA pulmonology section finished
15 anki FA cards

Tomorrow I will:
do 4 med/hard kaplan blocks
150 flash cards
15 pages smart sheet
1/2 repro section
speak with Rocio

I realize that I'm